Life

What is life? Is it the ability of continuation existence in this tiny world? Or perhaps the time you spend is worth of  as you see fit? Perhaps, to someone, life is like sunlight shrouded by thick dark clouds, where one is trying to seek the light through these clouds. Someone might even suggest that life is just a mere punishment from god by trapping one's soul in a body where he or she can feel pain. Some say that it is a gift that everyone should be appreciated of. Which one of it is true? It is entirely up to oneself on what is life. For me, i was not sure what life is, till the day i die.

   It was a rainy evening in Kuala Lumpur, I was seating on a bench outside of a hospital, looking at the grey, cold sky, remeniscing about the past. Since young, I was administered into a hospital due to a seizure and it was found out that I have a weak heart. The doctor told my parents that i will not reach to the age of eighteen. That time, typical parental behavior, my parents did not told me about this. And as for me, spending the remaining few years of life without the conscience of my heart weakness, and the fact that I am going to die.

   Not for long, I learned of my remaining life from eave-dropping on my parents conversation at the age of seventeen.  At first, I was sad, knowing that I am going to leave my friends and family. But then I realised that it was not that bad, at least I know when I am going to die, so that i can make all the necessary preparation before dying. I wanted all my friends and family have a piece of memory of me. I wanted to spend time with them so that they will not regret losing me.

   I bought presents for all my friends, spend some time with them in the mall, and even help them out in thier studies. My friends, of course, suspected my actions and often asked me what is wrong. Some of them even sarcastically asked that am I going to die. Still, the fact that I am going to die is confined and only my parents knew about it.  So, I do not blame them for saying that I am going to die. I would ocassionally smile at them and say,"Maybe I am going to die.", but none of them take it seriously.

   My parents, to spend some last moment with them was the most difficult part since I cannot allow them to know that I was awared of my situation. However, the difficulties in that matter no longer obstruct my objective when my parents started to take me out as often as possible after my seventeenth birthday. They looked rather cheerful but i knew they were acting. They will bring me to see every event that was held, eat the food that they came to thier mind, buy all the things that I wanted and played with me all day long. To make them believe that i knew nothing about my short life, i would always asked them why are  they spending so much time on me. Their reply was simple, "Because we love you.", which is unbearable.

   About two month later, i was struck with a seizure. Since then, i was not alllowed to leave the hospital. Everyday, I will be lying on my bed, waiting for the next dose of medicine to suppress the pain. My parents would kept on telling me that everthing is fine, so that i will not worry. I would comforted them by changing the topic of my sickness to the happy moments we have together. On the day i die, i was on my death bed, where all my friends and family were surrounding me, crying. I stayed strong by not crying and told my parents that actually i am awared of my situation. I even told them not to worry as dying does not mean that i am gone forever. "I will always be in your heart."., I said. Before taking my last breath, I asked myself, "What is life?". My answer is, "The moment where you can spend time with the one you want.". That is life.